


Tell Me How To Feel About You Now

by ladyofdecember



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: Best Friends, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-31 00:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10888539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladyofdecember/pseuds/ladyofdecember
Summary: Carl finds himself unable to deal with the turbulent emotions that come along with having a best friend, specifically one who hasn't left your side in 26 years.





	Tell Me How To Feel About You Now

**Author's Note:**

> I just love these two and as much as I love the teasing, will-they-won't-they bit they do on the show, I figured it was time that there's a definitive "getting together". I've surmised their ages to be about 43 in this. I know in the show time doesn't exist as the characters don't age or age very, very slowly but I'm using Homer's announced age of 43 back in season 4 or so. That means that if Carl and Lenny have known each other since they were children, but only really got close when in high school/seventeenish they've been close for 26 years.
> 
> Hope this is fitting for the two of them. As a reminder, growing up I only ever watched The Simpsons from seasons 1-11 and that was it. Recently, I picked up the series again but I've only gotten to season 17 so far, so a lot of the canon knowledge others have is completely lost on me. Eventually I'll catch up!
> 
> Oh, and the title is a Paramore song, obviously.

As far back as he could remember, people in town had been speculating on his and Lenny's relationship or lack there of. It had never really bothered him all that much until they stopped wondering and started outright stating things about them as if they were fact.

Case in point, when he and Lenny had gone out to dinner at that nice italian place down the way and Mrs. Lovejoy couldn't help whispering about them from where she sat just a table or two over. He'd given her a dirty look but Lenny had been too mesmerized by his pasta to even notice or pay any attention. Some days it seemed, living in a small town was more of a detriment than an actual blessing. 

Carl was currently driving to work on this monday morning, in the middle of a heavy rainstorm that no weatherman had been able to predict. The cloudy, gray sky above matched his gloomy mood just perfectly. It was almost like something out of a movie.

He swore under his breath as a car jumped out in front of him from the left lane. He slammed on his breaks, narrowly avoiding rear ending the person just in time. At this rate, he was sure to be late to the plant, making his mood sour all the more.

He took a few deep breaths in and out and tried to remember his buddhist teachings. His thoughts turned back towards his first visit to the temple and how it had really been Lenny's idea in the first place. He'd been chatting about it so excitedly to him for days and days on end so of course, of course he'd tagged along with him the next time he went. The things that man could talk him into.

Becoming a buddhist had been good for him though. Over the course of the last few years, he'd often found himself on the brink of near rage when it came to the things his friends often did and said. Meditation had really helped him quell that rage and it had proved to be an anchor in times of stress and need.

Carl sighed, letting go of his irritation and accepting his fate of being late for work just as a car slammed straight into a light pole a few feet ahead of him. He shook his head in disbelief. Rain really did bring out the worst drivers in Springfield.

...

It was about 9:30am before he finally made it to his station for work. Not too bad, he supposed, only thirty minutes late and no Burns in sight to even know about it. 'Course there was always those cameras, he thought, eyeing the several overhead.

Collapsing in his swivel chair, Carl put his tired head in his hands. He'd barely gotten any sleep last night and surprisingly it wasn't because of the thunderstorms that had been plaguing the town all night.

No, he'd been much too distracted by a nasty little worry in the back of his mind that refused to just let it go. That worry being that Lenny may have finally found someone to really settle down with, a fear that had always been there but for some reason, he'd never worried too much about.

Alicia was a smart, attractive, brunette who had moved to Springfield not a month before. They had run into each other, ironically, at a sushi place he and Lenny had been expected to meet at for dinner. He'd been running late and by the time he'd arrived, the two were chatting it up at the bar.

Now Carl had never been a petty man, nor a selfish or jealous one. At least, he liked to think he was usually better than that. But something about the way Lenny talked about her made his blood boil. Pretty soon, he found himself snarkily replying to anything Lenny said, rolling his eyes and even scoffing at him! It was awful but he just couldn't help himself. All he wanted was for things to be normal between them and to not have these strange feelings for the man anymore. 

When Lenny declined his invitation to go see that new McBain movie this weekend, he'd finally had enough.

He was currently not speaking to the man, hoping that he would get the hint and the reason for his anger. Knowing Lenny however, he knew he wouldn't.

"Hey buddy! Ya sneak in just in time? I think I saw Burnsy outside near the reactor." 

Carl spun around in his swivel chair to see Lenny leaning against the wall and munching on a sugary, pink frosted donut. He rolled his eyes and faced his station and computer again. "You mind? I've got work to do."

"Hey, what's a matter? You angry at me or somethin'?" The dark haired man asked, his face dropping it's happy smile and replacing it with a look of concern.

“No, I'm fine.”

A moment passed between the two with Carl staring hard at his panel and pretending to work while Lenny awkwardly stood in the open doorway. He finished his donut and wiped his hands on his gray slacks.

He tried a different tactic. “Hey so, sorry I can't go with you this weekend but would you wanna go see the movie on sunday instead?”

“Why? Your girlfriend busy that day?” 

Lenny was surprised by Carl's irritation. “Uh... yeah, I'm pretty sure.”

“Forget it. I'll just go see it alone. Excuse me.” 

Lenny watched as his best friend stood up from his station and pushed his way past him, feeling confused and a little hurt at the man's cold demeanor towards him. 

…

In the break room, Homer was currently trying to reach a box of donuts someone had placed high up above the cabinets. A man who was getting coffee nearby was giving him strange looks as he side-eyed him.

Carl raised an eyebrow at his friend and then eyed the box suspiciously.

"Ohh!! Why does everything hate me?" Homer whined, unable to reach the box and beginning to hop up and down now pitifully. 

"That box is prolly empty, Homer. I doubt there's anythin' in it." Carl said, getting a chair to climb up on to retrieve it.

"What? Why would someone do that?!"

Retrieving the cardboard box and gently jumping back down he shook it before opening the lid to show the man there was nothing inside. "Maybe someone's trying to screw with you?" He shrugged.

Homer scowled. "Ohh... I hate this place. I'm outta here! I'll go find my own donuts!"

He watched his friend of who knows how many years race out of the small break room, a small smile on his face. It was almost enough to get him out of the funk he was in. 

Carl eyed the vending machine in the corner, considering spending a dollar or two on a snack but nothing was really standing out to him.

"Whatcha doin'?" Lenny called out in a sing-songy tone from his place in the doorway.

The darker man sighed, spinning around to face his friend. The man had followed him in here? Great. "Nothin'."

He moved to walk around him and head back to work but Lenny blocked his path. "Carl, just talk to me! What did I do?!"

He looked up and into the eyes of the man whom he trusted implicitly, a man who he'd on more than one occasion, swore to protect, to even die for. Carl looked at Lenny and realized he felt no anger, no hostility. Honestly, he felt... unending love and affection. But most of all, he felt pain. Deep, gut-wrenching heartache and pain. And this time, it almost felt like it may never go away.

Lenny frowned at his silence so Carl forced a weak attempt at a smile. "Look... I'm just goin' through somethin' is all. It's really nothin' to worry about!" He hoped that placated him.

"Well... okay, if you're not angry... ?"

"No! No, nothing like that!" Carl chuckled half-heartedly, trying to put on a show. He just needed to figure out how to deal with this and probably the best way was to avoid the man entirely.

Lenny beamed at him, seemingly satisfied with the answer which only made the feeling inside him hurt all the more. If the man couldn't even see through his bluff, maybe he truly didn't care about him the way he had always thought he had?

Carl let his smile drop from his expression as soon as Lenny stepped aside to let him pass. Heading back to his station, he felt like he was in a daze. Sulking the rest of the day at his station, he barely paid any attention to the notifications on the panel before him, too dismal to concentrate.

...

The rain continued for the rest of the day which did not help to improve his mood at all. Carl sighed as he slowly drove home to his empty house, his empty life and empty bed. He wished he could just go to Moe's like he usually did but hated the thought of running into Lenny there. Just as he pulled up to a red light, his phone began to ring.

He glanced down at the screen and saw Lenny's picture and name illuminated. He scowled, considering just letting it go to voicemail before answering it at the last minute.

"Yeah, hello?"

"Carl! What are you up to?" Came Lenny's easy, good-natured voice.

"Nothin'. Why?" He responded listlessly.

"Well, you ran off before me and Homer had a chance to swing by your desk! Don't you wanna come to Moe's?" Came Lenny's confused reply.

As the light changed green, Carl cradled the phone between his shoulder and neck as he drove on. He considered his options for getting out of it before deciding just to be direct. "I'm not feelin' well, Lenny. I'm gonna head home."

"Well, if you-" The man began but Carl was fast to shut him down.

"I gotta go." He interrupted and hung up, hoping it wasn't too harsh. He just couldn't deal with being around the man right now. He needed... time. If he was ever going to sort out these feelings, he just... needed time.

...

After several days of doing his best to avoid one of the only people in the world he ever spent any time with, Carl was really starting to miss him. But he still hadn't gotten any closer to figuring out just what to do with these feelings he'd been having. They'd never been this intense before and though they'd always lurked there in the back of his mind, he normally had been able to overcome them.

It was the middle of the week and after avoiding Lenny as much as possible lately, he'd felt he'd earned a beer at Moe's. It'd been forever since he'd stepped foot in there and he was sure the bartender would be angry. He didn't like losing customers and specifically his own group of friends. Carl felt fairly confident that Lenny would be out with her and so it wouldn't be a problem avoiding the man.

He pulled into the lot behind the tavern and whistled a cheery tune as he headed for the front door. It'd been a while since he'd seen Barney and some of the other guys as well and he hoped he'd be visiting tonight, nursing a cup of joe instead of his favorite beer, of course.

Yeah, this was just what he needed! A night out, a night to get his mind off things.

As soon as he stepped inside, his smile disappeared though. The very man he loved, the object of his affections, sat at the very edge of the bar, talking with Moe. Carl let out a disappointed sigh and spun on his heel to leave almost immediately.

Lenny came rushing out behind him, having spotted him. "Carl!"

He slowed his pace a little before giving up and spinning to face the man. There was no use avoiding him now, he'd spotted him after all. They were about halfway down the thin path between Moe's and the music store.

"Carl... I wish you'd stay and have a beer? Please?" Lenny said, eyes shining with a sadness he didn't think he'd ever seen. It was obvious he was distressed by their not interacting. There had been hardly a day since high school that they hadn't seen each other or at least spoke on the phone. Lenny's calls to him hadn't ceased or slowed, he'd just been ignoring them entirely.

Carl shrugged and looked away, looking anywhere but at the puppy dog expression the man was giving him. "I... I can't Lenny. Look, I should just go, alright?"

"But Carl... Is this about Alicia? Because I... I need to tell ya somethin'."

"It's not about anything! Look, just let me go, okay?" He said, attempting to shove past him.

Lenny however, stood in his way, placing both hands against his shoulders and attempting to hold him in place. "No! You can't just ignore me! You're my best friend. I thought... I thought we had a rule never to lie to each other about things. Why are you so angry? Why are you ignoring me?"

Carl frowned and looked at the way he seemed broken up and torn over the state of their friendship, not wanting to see the man hurting so.

He continued, getting more than a little teary-eyed as he spoke frantically, pouring out his heart to the only person in the world who'd care. "You mean the world to me! And when you shut me out, it's like... it's like the whole world goes dark! I... I just feel like everything's wrong now without you around. Like, everything's topsy-turvey and the universe isn't right. I need... I need you in my life, Carl."

Carl sighed, beginning to feel like his hands were tied. He couldn't keep lying to his best friend, couldn't keep avoiding him. He had no choice now but to come clean to him, even if it meant the literal end of any kind of friendship or relationship that they had. He didn't want to keep hurting him this way.

He took a deep breath and looked in the teary eyes of the man he'd come to love for nearly 26 years now. "Lenny I... I don't think I can deal with you and Alicia. I can't... I don't know how... " He trailed off, letting the words just drift through the air, feeling at a loss for words. He couldn't do this, couldn't open up about his feelings like this! He'd kept them inside for far too long. 

It was feeling colder now, the rain falling all around them, soaking into their clothes and giving a slight chill to their skin. Goosebumps sprang to life on the back of his neck but he paid them no mind.

When Lenny just continued to stare, his hands dropping from the man's shoulders to fall listlessly at his side, tears nearly spilling over and on down his cheeks, he forced himself to continue, to just say the words he'd kept inside for so long. "Lenny, I'm in love with you." He shrugged helplessly. "I've been in love with you since junior year of high school! I'm sorry. I've tried to just get past this and move on. And I... I just can't."

The rain increased and began to fall heavier upon them, soaking their clothes entirely, though neither seemed to notice, both frozen to that very spot. Lenny swallowed nervously, unable to believe his ears, trying to think of something to say in response.

Carl's eyes grew misty and his voice grew tight as he realized just how real the moment was, feeling the abrupt shift in space and time that surrounded the two. "That's why I can't stay here. I can't just drink a Duff with you. I can't... I can't just keep being your friend, man!"

Lenny blinked back the tears, a small smile spreading across his face with comprehension. Suddenly, he grabbed the man by his light gray jacket and pushed him against the brick wall of the tavern. Lenny leaned in boldly, confidently and kissed him soundly on the lips.

Surprised, Carl struggled under the sudden force but soon relaxed against the study wall behind him. Slowly, he began to return the kiss, reaching his hands up to dig into Lenny's dark brown locks of hair. He smiled into the kiss, feeling a sudden sense of relief, flooded with a feeling of love and belonging. It seemed it was the very thing that he'd felt had been missing for the last few weeks.

As they kissed in the dimly lit alley, the world around them began to fall back into place, each feeling secure once more with their place in the universe. Time and space it seemed, were a constant but only ever felt right when the two were together.

Lenny pulled away, confident that his actions could speak better than he ever could. Carl smiled up in awe at the man. “Lenny... ?”

“That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I just... I missed you so much, Carl.”

Feeling like he was on top of the world, all their supposed problems having dissipated, Carl grinned like a madman. “I... missed you too. You're... everything to me, Lenny.”

A thought occurred to him, as the rain began to slow to just a sprinkle all around them. His heart sank, as he let his hands move from the man's arms down to his side instead. “But... what about Alicia?”

Lenny looked unfazed, his happy smile still lighting his expression. “That's what I was trying to tell you. I thought about it and I realized that I didn't have any real feelings for her. I mean, yeah she was pretty and kinda funny but... Carl, she wasn't you.”

“Uh... ?”

“We broke up.” He shrugged and then moved to hug the man tightly, burrowing his head into the space between his neck and his shoulder just so. “She could never replace you or the feelings I have for you. I've... always kinda had a low key crush on you.”

Carl grinned, hugging the man close to him as it seemed all of his dreams were coming true. “That's... so great, Lenny. I'm so happy.”

“You know, Homer said I was crazy to carve that mountain of you but I just told him you're amazing and you deserve to have monuments constructed for you!” He continued murmuring into his skin.

“Uh... what?” Carl asked, pulling away a bit.

Lenny laughed. “Aw, nothin' buddy! Just kiddin' around.”

“Oh okay, hah.” He replied, peering around the man towards the front of Moe's. “Hey, want to get that drink?”

Lenny laced his fingers with Carl's and began leading the way. “I thought you'd never ask.”


End file.
